open Democracy News Analysis - 16 days against gender violence - Comments

Shams on "Honour and shame: two sides of the stigma coin"

Shams — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 15:29:37 +0000

Hi Zohra,

I heard your discussion on feminism on Radio 4 this morning and was impressed by your comments. This made me search for you on the net and found these blog articles.

As a Man and a Muslim, I cannot understand why other Muslim Men feel reluntant to discuss the problem of violence within the Ummah for (as you say) the fear of stigmatization of the community or hijack by those with racist tendencies.

As Muslims, we have a duty to "encourage what is right and forbid what is wrong". This duty was emphasised severally and intensely in the Qur'an that a collective abandonment of this duty is a sin on the Ummah (Fard-Kifaya). So it iis not even an individual duty, but collective.

Did the Prophet (peace be upon him, whom you called your favorite feminist -LOL) support domestic violence or abuse? No! Even in his traditionally male-dominated community, he never raised his hands to hurt any of his wives and they surely tried his patience and anger (to such an extent that he withdrew from them all for a month). Hewarned against hurting free people the way slaves are treated and he encouraged kind treatments of slave and animals. If abuse and violence are discouraged, why not openly discourage it. Most men who shy form discussing it might probably be guilty of it.

Further, it is our duty to separate Islamic techings from cultural practices and we can not do that secretely. Open condemnation teachings younger ones to not follow the same practice. It further empowers people to challenge domestic abuse wherever and whenever it surfaces.

Finally, as Muslims we are not shy to self-cleanse. It shows the honesty and realistic nature of Islam. We cannot habour such diseases out of shame or shyness.

Please continue with your bold efforts, I pray God bless your efforts. Amin. Don't forget to support your efforts with prayers too.

Peace!
Shams

YAKSH on "Broken Homes or Broken People? "

YAKSH — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 13:06:00 +0000

HAPPY NEW YEAR
Thanks for this article and feeling the pains of a women. We are fully agree with you in this regards.
We would like to point out few things before this discussion.
As You said that certian percentage of women justifing the beating by husband. You have also got the reason for beating. Do you think that anyone will allow the indiscipline in any place, School, school, road, park, theater etc. The answer is definetely: NO, this means that they are also accepting the same.
Then how can you justify the same at home?
Who has give you the right to insult the house owner, the Father-in-law., don't forget this, he is the mentor of the Husband. Had he (FIL) not made him like that, the lady or her parents had never married to him.
Whether they don't have right to get the respect, food, shelter and love at the fag end of life?
If yes, then why the women (Wife) is not performing her duty or not allowing her husband to do so.
It is everyones duty to make a happy home.
Pl. consider another side of coin also.
Best wishes for success and good health.
YAKSH
PATI PARIWAR KALYAN SAMITI

Note from moderator:

As this appears to be attempting to justify violence against women I thought hard about deleting it. I have published it, not in the interest of free speech but because it is an indication of attitudes and adds to the debate in that respect only.

BigC

Olamild on "Nigeria: law & impunity in rape cases"

Olamild — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 17:55:53 +0000

This is simply devastating!

If only these people know what the victims go through. If only they knew the pain and anguish these children and women have to endure. If only ! If only!

Some just lack morals. It is quite sad that the ones that ought to protect us in Nigeria are the ones that harm us.

What do we do to combat rape in Nigeria?
How do we enforce the laws?

Dutch on "Cinema: sex trafficking and the global sex trade"

Dutch — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 13:37:15 +0000

Well I am from Holland where prostitution is allowed and I don't agree with you at all. Just because you allow something in a country doesn't mean that all the woman who work in this industry do this out of their own choice. There are still women being forced to work and their money and passport taken away by guys who exploit them.

Candace on "Karama: women activists across the Middle East"

Candace — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 00:20:41 +0000

Quote:

The comprehensive work of Karama will be forging the partnerships for local and national actions to stop violence against women and girls, followed by a regional ‘think-tank’ initiative of representatives from each country. The Karama Program is focusing on the Middle East and North Africa as a region for a number of reasons. We believe the plight of women of this region is largely ignored or at least misunderstood by the world, particularly those in the west.

But does the majority of middle eastern women really want us to understand? Or is it considered offensive for western women to post inquiring questions about middle eastern domestic life, and make unflattering comments and conclusions about how women are treated in their society? (generally speaking, of course.)

Candace on "Broken Homes or Broken People? "

Candace — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 22:03:25 +0000

Quote:

With regard to attitudes to domestic violence, the NFHS found that 41% of women thought that husbands were justified in slapping their wives if the latter showed disrespect to their in-laws. Meanwhile, a substantial 35% of women thought they deserved a brutal beating at the hands of their spouses if they neglected doing the household chores or looking after their children.

I bet theres a higher percentage of women in the middle east who agree their husbands are justified in hitting them for those same reasons.

SheRa on "When the state rapes"

SheRa — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 14:21:51 +0000

Great post Zohra! You mention the US drafting a UN resolution: "would specifically condemn rape and sexual abuse used by governments and armed groups to achieve political and military objectives" This is great but wonder if they would be as keen to ensure that their troops based all over the world should be stopped from abusing women through prostitution also- or isn't it rape if you pay for it?! http://www.equalitynow.org/english/actions/action_2302_en.html

SheRa on "“Hands off”: The Vagina Soliloquy "

SheRa — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 14:03:22 +0000

It's yet another example of the male view of women's sexuality and what they like/don't like- we are merely fixed up to fit the bill!

amandazw on "On fighting the gender violence battle"

amandazw — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 07:34:01 +0000

In another recent Mail & Guardian article - http://www.mg.co.za/articlePage.aspx?articleid=325319&area=/insight/insight__national/ , Perlie Joubert reported that, in 2004, the Medical Research Council said in 2004 that a woman is killed by her intimate partner every six hours in South Africa — the highest rate in the world. South African crime analyst Anthony Altbeker says he would “very surprised if it was less than 40% of men who are perpetrators of violence against women — it is probably a good deal higher.” If 40% of men are perpetrators, where will the social pressure to stop abuse come from? Perhaps rather than talking around the issue and worrying about not offending one another we need more direct, straight, angry talk to make men listen.

B Clark on "South Africa: Violence and Masculinity"

B Clark — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 07:17:26 +0000

Hi Tessa, This is the sort of information that I need to read to give me hope. In a blog that I wrote for openDemocracy recently I was expressing my frustration at how few men actively involve themselves in confronting/challenging gender violence. That it's seen, as you wrote, a women's issue. So thank you for sharing your Dakar conference experience. Bev

B Clark on "On fighting the gender violence battle"

B Clark — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 07:11:12 +0000

Hi Felix Thanks for your comment. I read Brooker's piece in the South African Mail & Guardian. Comic overstatement notwithstanding, the sentiment that Brooker (funny chap that he is) shares about men and their sexual approach to women is worryingly accurate in the vast majority of cases. Of course I agree with you that there are numerous reasons why gender violence exists however it is clear fact that one of the reasons is distinctly biological. Men use their strength to sexually abuse and rape women and to physically assault them. I didn't say that men are lecherous beasts although in many instances I would agree with you. What I did say was the nauseating prevalence of gender violence illustrates that men are complicit unless they speak out and call their peers to account. For me the first steps in really addressing the gender violence crisis lies in exposing the sad fact that men let each other get away with it.

Felix Cohen on "On fighting the gender violence battle"

Felix Cohen — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 10:23:16 +0000

Bev, It's a shame that an article with the potential to be as powerful and moving as this is let down by the quotes you have chosen to illustrate your point. The quote you claim to be from the South Africa Mail & Guardian is actually from the English Guardian newspaper, and is written by a chap called Charlie Brooker; a deeply satirical and humorous writer who is making a point through comic overstatement here; and a point about something completely unconnected to gender violence. It seems you have cherry picked a decontextualised quote from the second article as well. The risks in making gender violence all about men's 'implicit' strength and lasciviousness is that you are making these biological problems. Much like any evolutionary theorist who notes that there might be a selection pressure for men to indulge in rape, without careful qualification and contextualising, it can sound like a justification for the behaviour. In my opinion, the problems of sexually predatory men need to dealt with through large scale educative and media reform; for both men and women. Having seen the results of the recent Big Brother in South Africa, there can be no question that this cultural revulsion at gender violence is a long way from being realised, but, for me, the first steps lie in exposing the problems of a patriarchal society, not vilifying all men as lecherous beasts who revel in their strength. F