Thank you for our bonuses

Bonus season is a season for giving thanks. Here, a heartfelt message from North America
Larry Elford
15 November 2010

A holiday season thank you to all North Americans.  From investment bankers, brokers, regulators and all the related friends in the financial services industry.

 As the year comes to a close, we must take the time to reflect on the past twelve months, reflect on our blessings, on friends and family.  We often forget to do this with the hustle and bustle of our lives.  Here is our message of thanks to you:



We would like to say thank you for the many blessings you have given us;


Thank you to the US congress for allowing our lobbyists to sit in your offices and write our own loopholes into each law you propose that affects our industry.


Thank you to Canadian legislators for letting us do similar with our friends on Bay street.


Thank you to the SEC for being the best “acting” securities regulator while employing more lawyers than any other agency, while doing the best job of pretending to protect the public.


Thank you to all 13 Canadian Securities Commissions for allowing us to skirt your laws using your “exemptive relief” provisions.  Without ever having to inform the public of this.  You guys are AWESOME!  This is something we could never get away with in the US.  


When the dust settled and it looked like you “had to” show yourself giving us a slap on the wrist, you gave us fines of one half of one penny for each of the $32 billion taken.   Good bless you, each and every securities “regulator” in Canada.


Professional associations, ombudsmen, the financial press, etc, for all being supportive of our efforts, our advertising, and for looking the other way at many of our predatory practices.  We will keep spreading the money around as much as we can.  Accountants and lawyers who co-operate with us will always be taken care of as “brothers in arms”.  Bless you, every one.


As we saw approximately $13 trillion dollars (wow, who could imagine) of wealth transferred, or skimmed, or commission paid on phony products, we would like to thank the middle and upper class people of both Canada and the US for being so cooperative with their money, and letting us own their politicians.  Especially the taxpayers of each country for stepping in and giving us the money to pay our bonus’s etc, when we make a few boo boos.  Without you the taxpayer, we truly would not have made it.


In Canada, we were able to earn fees on $32 billion of sub prime mortgage paper with our dear friends at the securities commissions only handing us fines of one half cent for every dollar.  What a magical system.

Thank you to the Pan Canadian Investment committee for negotiating a ban on civil suits for all of our members who sold or dealt in this product.  We really appreciate it.

Thanks also to the Canadian courts who granted us this immunity from civil prosecution.  How can we ever repay you?  You Canadians are so polite, we just love you all.


To the Canadian and American police agencies, our gratitude for looking “the other way”, while we do our complicated things that we do.  Your reverence and deference to our special “regulators” is heartwarming.  We will never forget how you “trust us” to police ourselves.  If you ever need jobs in the securities industry, we are always looking for good men who are willing to look the other way.


Finally, one single note of caution, for the holidays.  Please do not listen to naysayers about us, and for mankind's sake do not read  Arianna Huffington’s new book, “THIRD WORLD AMERICA”, or anything like it.  Ignore THE INSIDE JOB movie.  For Canadians say no to SWINDLERS, the book and don’t watch on the net.  Stay away from it all and have a safe and happy holiday season.



FromYour bankers, brokers, friends and regulators in the financial industry.  All the various investment dealers associations, mutual fund dealer associations, lobby groups and trade associations.  You can trust us to wish you a happy holiday.






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