Jason O'Mahony: Apparently, if you’re against the Lisbon Treaty, you are either an unthinking eurosceptic, a laughing stock amongst continental constitutional amendment fetishists, or on the verge of being tossed out of the EU and into the North Atlantic. On the other hand, if you’re in favour of the treaty, you are the imperialist lackey of a European Pseudo-Empire, in the pay of Global Capitalist Overlords, or plotting to send your neighbour’s four year old to fight in the invasion of Saudi Arabia. Welcome to the calm and rational debate about the Lisbon treaty.

I will be voting yes, despite the moronic antics of some on the yes side to get me to vote yes. Admittedly, many of the reasons advanced to vote yes are just plain dumb. Firstly, It’s a pretty mediocre treaty that does little to give Europe a real democratic structure, but it is marginally better than what we have now. It’s not vital to the future of Europe either, because we have the Nice treaty which is a perfectly good way of running the EU, and I know this because Bertie Ahern, Brian Cowan, Dick Roche and Enda Kenny said so.

As to the argument that we’ll somehow be punished if we vote no, by whom exactly? The French? Sarko is going to give out to Biffo? Is that not akin to Osama Bin Laden condemning a lack of female employment opportunities within the higher echelons of Al Quaeda? The European Union is a democratic federation of nations that respects the democratic traditions of each member state, and our rejection will be respected, and I dare anyone on the yes side to tell me that I’m wrong and have too much faith in the EU.

We can vote no safely, but that doesn’t mean that we should. The no side is divided, all with their own exclusively surreal version of what they see and want. It’s as if they’re all trying to (unsuccessfully) identify an elephant by feeling him through different holes in a wall. Libertas want to renegotiate the treaty, but can’t explain how we get the extra things we want without having to concede other stuff to the other 26 countries, including things that we don’t want. Or do we then renegotiate the renegotiation, and get into a bizarre Groundhog Day style loop of never actually getting the perfect treaty? Apparently it’s news for Libertas to discover that the last time a European nation got all its own way against every other country involved Stuka divebombers and decidedly suspect facial hair.

Joe Higgins and the Far Left call the whole thing a capitalist conspiracy, and are against it for pretty much the opposite reasons the British Tory Right are against it. It would probably save time if they just used the same press release with options to be deleted as appropriate: “ Vote No to Lisbon because it gives too many/few rights to European workers, is forcing a pro-trade union/business union agenda on Europe and is nothing more than a Socialist/Neo-Liberal conspiracy!” The irony is that both the Irish Far Left and the Tory Far Right behave like a bloke who has just seen his ex-girlfriend on a date in a restaurant with George Clooney: They will look absolutely everywhere else except towards their ex.

Sinn Fein and the assorted Little Ireland Brigade aren’t just against the Lisbon treaty. They’re not too hot on the 20th century either, let alone the 21st. Sinn Fein et al are basically advocating policies which were cutting edge in 1898, before weapons that could destroy cities were invented, diseases could travel the world in hours, and where the internet was what a Victorian gentleman wore between dinner courses to keep his handlebar moustache extra bushy. Sinn Fein say they are in favour of international cooperation, but want the EU to be run on the grounds of unanimity, in other words, like the British Commonwealth. An organisation, by the way, on that is so ineffectual as to regard the running of the odd relay race as a great achievement.

The reason I will vote yes is not because I feel afraid to vote no, or because I think the treaty is vital. I will vote yes because a no vote would be hijacked by every fascist, communist, Tory and Shinner as an endorsement of their head-banger views. A weak reason, true, but less weak than what the no side are advocating, especially as the sole reason I really have to vote no is not because Europe has gone too far, but because it hasn’t gone far enough.

Some years ago I stood on a bridge in the former concentration camp in Birkenau, overlooking the train tracks where inmates were unloaded before being marched to their doom. It has become passé to speak of the EU’s origins in World War 2, but I couldn’t help wondering what the inmates would have said if you had described to them the Europe of today. For all its many flaws, it is a truly extraordinary way of managing peacefully the competing needs of different nations, and I will not let my vote be used against this intensely frustrating but truly wonderful project.

The fact is, the inmates of Birkenau would have called today’s European Union a fantasy, but for me and 450 million other Europeans, it is home.