(part of openDemocracy's '16 days against gender violence' blog series)
"Woman: with one hand she rocks the cradle, and with the other hand she rocks the world."
An old Afghan man shared this saying with me. He said it is not used often these days. I found it poignant and powerful.
I have been running programs for women in Afghanistan for four years, an experience I feel privileged to have had. It has made me realise how rare it is to take the time to listen to people's views on the changes happening in their country and in their lives. My conversations with many Afghan men and women during this time have led to surprisingly similar conclusions. They want to be directing the course of change themselves. They are feeling increasingly pushed and pressured into what we might call "modernity", without being allowed the time or the opportunity to find the local roots to seemingly-imported and imposed ideas. Human rights, gender equality, democracy: these concepts already exist in Afghanistan. They do not need to be taught or imported. Aggressive approaches to reform appear patronizing – and will be resisted.
I've recently left the country, and I am saddened by the deteriorating situation and by the disillusion that people feel. It did not have to be this way. It was possible to actually listen (rather than talking about how much we listen!) and to root our understandings within the Afghan experience.
If we listened, we would find that there are indigenous roots to concepts like human rights. We might see that the symbols and stereotypes we bring to Afghanistan breed misconceptions that work against mutual understanding. We might also see that both Afghan women and men have the ability to act on their own behalf, and have been doing so for longer than we know. We would better understand gender roles and relations in their context, and remind ourselves that gender includes men as well as women.
As another Afghan man told me: "The world thought they could bring freedom to Afghan women, but freedom is only won from the inside".
Note from oD Today: Natasha Walter in Tuesday's UK Guardian reports from Afghanistan on how women continue to fight amidst "99% tragedy" and how the US and UK, as well as donors and contractors, have failed to support them as promised.
