More offensive buffoonery

Don and dusted

Further evidence of European unity this week.

Last week’s Diary focused on Silvio Berlusconi’s Italy, and the somewhat negative continent-wide welcome to his presidency of the European Union.

Then, of course, Silvio made his infamous inaugural “Nazi” slur, sending the whole of Germany apoplectic (not to mention the forest of sanctimonious column inches that the Diary has been forced to wade through).

The fall-out from Berlusconi’s remarks to Martin Schulz, German socialist Member of the European Parliament (MEP), continued all week.

At first, Berlusconi refused to apologise. After saying Schulz would be perfect for the role of Nazi camp kapo in a movie, Silvio said, “If you are not capable of understanding irony, that’s your problem. I’m not taking it back.”

After Gerhard Schröder addressed the German parliament to express his nation’s outrage, Berlusconi telephoned the Chancellor to explain himself and express (in the words of an official statement from his office) “his regret for the fact that someone could have misunderstood the meaning of a joke that was only meant to be ironic.”

Schröder, well-practiced in dealing with offensive Nazi references (remember Herta Daeubler-Gmelin?) said “this ends the affair”.

Which affair? you ask. Well, not the “affair” between Germany and Italy. This week, Franco Frattini, Italy’s foreign minister, said, “I strongly hope that a gratuitous declaration, a lone voice, will not disrupt the traditional friendship between Italy and Germany.”

In fact, Frattini was referring to a different “gratuitous declaration”, more on which later. The important thing is that the “traditional friendship between Italy and Germany”, which, of course, peaked in the 1930s, is intact.

Anyway, the touchy subject of history aside, Berlusconi claimed to have been provoked by the lefties in the European Parliament who greeted his arrival with jeers and derogatory banners about everyone being equal under the law.

While the European press, the Diary included, had a field day, Rai Uno, Italy’s state-controlled television channel, failed to report Berlusconi’s Nazi quip. A lower house commission in the Italian parliament has begun an investigation into how this media miracle transpired. Rai Uno is one of two broadcasting channels not privately owned by Berlusconi. However, for those of you who might have forgotten, Berlusconi is also Italy’s prime minister with effective control over state apparatus.

You get the picture.

At the behest of Berlusconi’s government, Italy’s Senate is debating the Gaspari Law (also known as the “mother of all conflicts of interest”), legislation on media reform that critics say would put an end to growth limits on Silvio’s media empire.

Some people will do anything to get their hands on the Diary.

One MEP called Berlusconi’s remarks “offensive buffoonery”, an irresistible title for this week’s instalment. The German media and political class claimed itself “sickened” by the “crisis”.

“When will it ever end?” screamed the Bild newspaper, reflecting a nation tired of being reminded of its Nazi past.

“Unacceptable”, declared Die Welt. “And this man is supposed to represent the European Union?”

“That’s Silvio Berlusconi in a nutshell,” said the Berliner Zeitung. “You don’t need to know anything more about him.”

On Monday, Berlusconi said, “The Italian presidency of the European Union will be no ordinary administration.”

He’s not wrong there. In Europe, if not all round the world, the EU is seen as synonymous with faceless bureaucrats devoid of character and personality. Now we have what Gary Titley, leader of Britain’s MEPs is calling “the Tommy Cooper presidency. It’s a complete shambles. It’s ineptitude gone mad.”

Now, that’s more like it.

Meanwhile, in Palermo, a Mafia supergrass told a court that Marcello Dell’Utri, one of Berlusconi’s closest aides, negotiated a deal with the Mafia, promising to help resolve judicial problems in exchange for electoral support.

Berlusconi once said “I have little hair because my brain is so big it pushes (the hair) out.”

As James Walston wrote in the International Herald Tribune, with the Nazi jibe still echoing in the parliament chamber, the Italian leader called its members “part-time democrats”, saying “Italians love to tell Holocaust jokes”, and that, as prime minister, he had passed “only” three laws in his own interests.

(Click here or here to read a list of Silvio’s gaffes)

(Various sources, including BBC Online, BBC Monitoring, Financial Times, CNN, Guardian newspapers, Washington Times, New York Times, International Herald Tribune)

Nationalist lampooned vacation

Back to that other “gratuitous declaration”.

As Europe continued to fret about (and enjoy) the German-Italian spat, Stefano Stefani, the Italian minister for tourism, did his bit to improve relations between the two countries.

In an open letter to La Padania, the newspaper of the right-wing Northern League, Stefani wrote: “We know the Germans well – these stereotyped hyper-nationalistic blondes, who have been indoctrinated ... to feel top of the class whatever the situation. They noisily invade our beaches.”

Yet more outrage poured out of Germany. Schröder’s office talked of “unacceptable generalisations” that were a “blanket insult to all Germans who like to holiday in Italy.”

The German Chancellor threatened to cancel his holiday in the Marche region of central Italy, planned for next week, but, at first, somehow he managed to resist the ultimate protest. Following a phone call between foreign ministers Frattini and Fischer, like the “traditional friendship between Italy and Germany”, the Schröder holiday plans, we were told, remain unchanged.

Then, a day or two later, the Schröders decided that they were in fact offended enough to cancel their holiday and will take their vacation, instead, in Hanover. Berlusconi responded by saying he felt “sorry” for the German Chancellor, while Germany’s interior minister, Otto Schily, said, “Those who kick you in the shins and spit at you must not be surprised that that is not good for their country.”

German tourists account for 40% of foreign visitors to Italy. Last year they spent about €8.8billion in the country. Stefani’s remarks have the potential to make his own ministry obsolete.

“Yet again,” said German tabloid Bild, “an Italian politician insults all Germans.” Refusing to sink to levels of the Italians, the paper accused Stefani of having “spaghetti for brains”.

Stefani couldn’t resist taking a swipe at Martin Schulz (see above), saying the MEP “probably grew up amid noisy belching contests after gargantuan beer drinking sessions and huge helpings of fried potatoes”.

It probably sounds better in Italian.

(Sources: BBC Monitoring, BBC News, Financial Times)

More Raffarinades

Attentive readers – or those many souls who live for the Diary – may recall how last week’s Diary also studied Berlusconi’s alleged efforts to portray communism as a more destructive ideology than fascism.

Well, the bug seems to be contagious. Jean-Pierre Raffarin, prime minister of France, followed Silvio’s lead last week, by saying, “France is not yet on the way to heaven, only in purgatory, since we still have Socialists.”

The remarks were made during a meeting of European centre-right leaders and politicians in Strasbourg.

There were calls throughout France for Raffarin’s dismissal – most of them from socialists.

Britain’s conservative Daily Telegraph claimed that “open warfare” had broken out between Raffarin and the socialists.

Well, not quite. But there were some angry lefties.

“Today the prime minister went beyond all limits of stupidity by suggesting that France’s salvation would come from the elimination of Socialists,” said Jean-Marc Ayrault, head of the Socialist Party caucus in the National Assembly.

Francois Hollande, secretary-general of the Socialist Party, was also pretty peeved. “You have considered Socialism a sin bad enough to deprive our country of attaining access to heaven,” Hollande said to Raffarin, in a parliamentary debate. “The demonisation of the competition reveals a concept of politics that we do not share. Your methods need to be censured.”

Er, OK ...

Raffarin apologised on a radio show. “I confirm that I have a profound respect to all of those who devote their lives to politics, whatever opinions they have. I regret that some have been wounded. It was really in the context of humour and jest.”

Now, where have we heard that before?

Far-right Jean-Marie Le Pen, for one, was not impressed by Raffarin’s apology. “The majority is prostrating itself once again to the pseudo-moral and intellectual terrorism of the left,” he said.

Raffarin has been here before. As the New York Times reports, there is even a book of Raffarin gaffes – Raffarinades – newly published (André Bercoff and Eric Giacometti, €10).

From a succulent selection of other Raffarinades, which John Lichfield The Independent’s man in Paris, has defined as “deliberately coined aphorisms of stunning banality” the Diary offers:

“The destiny of the young is to be the adults of tomorrow”

Ya don’t say.

(Main source for item: New York Times, The Independent)

Holy Mother of Copyrights

Finally, and briefly, we head to Calcutta, and the news that the name “Mother Teresa” may soon be copyrighted.

In a blow to free market forces, if the copyright bid is successful, “Mother Teresa” will not be used to sell cars, computers, cigarettes or fast food.

The application for copyright has come from the Missionaries of Charity, based in Calcutta – Mother Teresa’s gang.

Said Sister Nirmala, head of the order, “In her lifetime, Mother Teresa expressed on a number of occasions her wish that her name not be used by any other individuals or organisations without her permission, and after her death, the permission of her successor. We are grateful to all those who have thus far complied with our request to remove the name of Mother Teresa from their organisations’ names, such as the Mother Teresa Institute of Management.”

Good school that.

In October, Mother Teresa will be beatified by the Vatican.

(Source: BBC News Online)

Quotes of the week

“We’re realists in this administration.”
President George W. Bush clipping the neo-con wings?

“KFC is committed to the well-being and humane treatment of poultry.”
An official KFC statement (they keep saying this). KFC is being sued by Peta. KFC slaughters 700 million chickens a year.

“I had to feed the cat at home.”
Robert Federer, father of newly crowned Wimbledon champion Roger Federer, explaining why he wasn’t able to witness his son’s triumph.

Figure of the week

136,715
The number of Kuwaiti residents eligible to vote, out of a total of 898,000 Kuwaiti residents. All are men with full citizenship. In elections at the weekend they delivered a stunning victory for Islamic traditionalists, all but voting the liberals (who had campaigned on the ticket of women’s suffrage) out of parliament. Following the toppling of Saddam Hussein in Iraq, observers had predicted a liberal victory.

Also see ...

As President Bush continues his optimistic tour of Africa, the UNDP Human Development Report makes sober reading.

Read President Bush’s speech at Goree island.

Contact the Diary Editor: dominic.hilton@opendemocracy.net