This piece is a flight of fancy but you can read our serious reporting on Boris Johnson here.
Strictly private. For the eyes of [REDACTED] only
First, the positives. You weren’t ambushed with a cake, so that’s a win. You weren’t watching agricultural-machinery porn on your phone, which, given recent events, is definitely very positive. Nor did you spontaneously combust, implode and disappear into your own digestive tract. (I mean that in the strictly literal sense. In metaphorical terms, well, yes, we’ll come to that.)
